“The best way to change the world is in concentric circles:
start with yourself and work your way out from there.”
I believe in the power of planetary forces, which means that I believe in astrology. I know very little and the very few things I know are based on the messages I receive daily or weekly from astrologers I follow. And based on what they have shared, this past week we had some big influences that are affecting the energy in our home, our beautiful planet earth. Some of these energy forces seem to be bringing up to the surface a lot of emotional blockages that we’ve carried with us at an individual level.
If you remember, I have a group chat with some of my close friends and this is our safe space to share with each other our hearts and the things we are experiencing. We have some weeks in which things will be very quiet and some others when we are constantly talking and sharing what we are individually transitioning through. Last week was one of those active seasons, we all seemed to be dealing with emotions that came to the surface seemingly out of nowhere.
After a few days sharing our feelings and the ways in which we were handling these emotional waves we all came to the conclusion that the hardest part of it all was dealing with the idea that because we “know better” we should be acting different. I was personally dealing with my own frustration about the way in which I was reacting to things that triggered me around my parents. They came to visit last week and I found myself feeling very unique emotions with some of our interactions. I had personally never felt these specific feelings before and it made me feel bad that some of our interactions were sparking this sense of resentment towards those ways in which perhaps I was talked to as a young girl or the expectations that were held for me.
And, I am now aware as an adult of those interactions, expectations, conversations etc. that my mom and I had when I was growing up that created some limiting beliefs and/or ideas about who I am that are not necessarily supportive in my present life and that in many ways have created insecurities and doubt about my own capabilities. And, don’t get me wrong, my mom was an amazing mother but she is human and she was also growing as she was raising me.
So, I shared the way I felt with my friends, specifically feeling bad about feeling resentment. During our conversation I was able to identify this expectation I had for myself to be the “better or bigger person” the one that is always feeling peace and love and kindness and it made me recognize that I was acting exactly in the same way I felt I was treated when I was little and the reason why I feel that resentment today in the first place! I was giving myself the same treatment, setting up the same expectations to be “nice” to be a “good girl” to leave my anger and strong emotions aside.
It was a beautiful moment in which I was able to ask myself: how do you want to be treated right now? Do you want to hold unrealistic expectations for yourself and the human that you are? or do you just want to be loved and embraced for the fullness of who you are?
Personal and spiritual growth are the most beautiful paths I have walked but in my own excitement to want to evolve and grow and act in accordance with what I “know” is the most “appropriate way” for my evolution I lock myself again in the patterns that initially brought contraction to my soul. And over and over again I’m reminded that The Way of The Heart is that gentle path that brings me back to compassion, flexibility, love and embrace for who I am. The moment I gave myself the space to feel these emotions it felt as if I had let go a bit of that tight rope I had wrapped around my neck that felt as though was being pulled every time I noticed I was not acting “right”.
The last days of my parents’ visit I found myself relaxed around them, enjoying their presence, noticing the things that reminded me of the past and re-focusing my attention in being grateful for their presence and everything they did when I was growing up, not because I was trying to be the bigger person but because I allowed myself to feel those very real, normal and heavy human emotions and then I gave myself the love I wish I received in moments when I felt I was not deserving of it.
This is The Way of The Heart…
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